Just Livin' the Dream

So after reading "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert a few months ago, a few friends and I tossed around the idea of writing a book.  The idea was that it would be from 4 different perspectives of 4 different women (us) at different places in there lives.  

In EPL, Gilbert talks about "her word".  The one word that is yours.  Who you are right now, what you want, etc.  It's open for interpretation.  We decided to base our first chapter around "our word".  Since we never got past introductions, the book is, well, waiting for more.  

I have thought a lot about posting this.  The admissions you are about to read don't happen much.  And in no way are they a judgment on anyone who is totally miserable or unsure of themselves.  We all are who we are.

One last disclaimer:  In NO WAY do I consider myself a writer.  I am a talker who writes things down, so please be kind and have an open mind..(oooh, maybe I am a poet?) Here we go...

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I love words. I delight in words. I surround myself with words, literally.

 “Just Livin’ the Dream” has it's spot on the wall in my home exactly where it belongs.  Yes, you guessed it, the laundry room.

It's there for a number of reasons, the obvious being the irony of it’s placement.

Every time I am sorting through dirty underwear and sheets, I look up and laugh out loud at the thought that this…all this..is everything I have ever wanted.

On one hand its hysterically sarcastic and ironic. On the other hand, it’s the God's honest truth. I am blessed with (and I will quote Hannah Montana here) “The best of both worlds”.

I am the mother to a seven year old boy who I love from the very core of myself. I am married to the man, who after 11 years still makes my stomach drop and (does the majority of the house work) and I have a career which allows me to create an environment every summer for the frolick and delight of children.  

Now,  I certainly don’t wake up everyday whistling or anything like that.  My son can drive me nuts and my husband (who is also my business partner) and I are constantly vying for supreme power. And, my work, at times, can seem incredibly overwhelming.

Still, when I chose my word, it was “Bliss”.  I strive to live in Bliss.  

When I say Bliss, I am not talking about giving in to every whim or spending my life on a beach in Tahiti with various cabana boys. I am talking about utterly true and incredibly deep contentment.  

To carry myself in this world in such a way that bliss, true contentment, can’t help but show up.

I have always had a happy and loving internal dialogue. This “comfort in my own skin”, this innate knowledge that I am complete within myself has always been there. Even during the worst awkwardness of adolescence and the first lost love of my twenties, I always knew I was okay and worthy. Worthy of love, respect, honesty, laughter and joy. 

Some people are born into this world with an amazing voice, or awesome athletic ability. My gift from God is an unwavering commitment to myself.

Many may look at my life and chalk it up to luck. And, believe me, I did have some luck...a happy, healthy childhood with involved, kind and loving parents. Growing up in a safe and close knit community. School was easy, I was attractive, I had a mustang convertible, you know, the chips were stacked in my favor.

But beyond all that, I just always believed I deserved to be happy. I deserved a mate who adored me, a job I was passionate about and friends who enhanced my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve worked very hard at my marriage, my career and being a consistent friend, but I never wondered if I was worthy of having them.

People like me, we aren’t spoken of much, with the lack of self -loathing or destruction, are we really don’t seem that interesting. God forbid we say anything about loving ourselves, people think we are crazy, boastful, shallow or living in extreme denial.

So here is my lesson. Its okay to be okay. Its okay to have a pretty fantastic life. Trials and tribulations will come and go.  So will pain and heartache.  But God has made you so incredibly strong and smart and funny and beautiful that to do anything less then celebrate the wonder that is you, is unacceptable.  He expects nothing less and neither should you.  

My word is Bliss.  What's yours?

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