Conversation Instead of Confrontation.

It's that time of year again, y'all...these ubiquitous candies will be distributed by the hundreds of thousands over the next couple of days.

Generally known by their given moniker, Conversation Hearts, I prefer to call them by their true description: flavored chalk.

I have never been a fan of these little gems, however my girls will down them by the handful. Meanwhile I'm begging, "Hey, let's see if we can use these hearts to write on the driveway!" Seriously.

Over the years I've read stories written by Romeos and Juliets, who owe their love to the clever boldness that is conversation hearts. "Johnny gave me a heart that read "Call Me" when we were freshmen in college and we've been together ever since!" gushes Susie. Or, "Mary revealed her intentions by giving me a "Love You" heart on Valentine's day," recounts Bobby. Gee, Mary...way to play it like a guy.

Yeah, they're cute...they're small and heart-shaped and pastel and emblazoned with cute sayings. Our new millennium finds Convo Hearts getting all techno with phrases such as "E-mail Me" and "Web Site." (Just "Web Site?" What's that supposed to mean? Oh, ok...love you, too, "Web Site.") But I have never been a fan of flavored chalk. Or of goofy sayings on small candies.

However I do think it would be really fun and rather useful to have convo hearts printed up for specific occasions. For instance, instead of confronting an annoying co-worker about her serious breath issue, you could sweetly hand her a pack of gum and a conversation heart that reads, "U Smell." Or, "Don't Breathe," if you want to be nice about it. I am all for avoiding confrontation. It makes me nervous and tired. Distributing convo hearts would be so much easier 'cause they'd do my dirty work.

How about a few to hand out at the gynecologist's office? "Ouch!" or "K-Y Please."

For that rude person who jumped the line at Starbucks: "Shove It," or "Kiss Off."

Celebrity bloggers getting too big for their britches? Yes, Perez, I'm talking to you: "New 'Do," "Get Real," or "You Suck."

When you want to tell off a friend: "Fear Me" or "Kiss Crack."

In-laws getting you down? Give them: "I'm Done," "Go Now," or "Step Off."

Husband feeling frisky but you've got a headache? Try: "Not Now," or "Ask 2-Morrow."

Fasting and praying for a better New Moon?: "Don't Suck," "I Beg U," and "Be Good!"

Met a hot vamp but afraid to make a move? I'm going with: "Bite Moi."

Eric, I love you, and I'm ready for True Blood to return. Amen.

Yep...these are the kind of conversation hearts I need in my life. Not a lame one in the bunch. (Do not get me started on the planned Twilight Convo Hearts, debuting next month. 'Cause I've already used the term "lame" in this post. Ahem.)

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Thanks, Tiff-My-Love, for letting me be all up in your Bloggy Kool-Aid. I love you more than my luggage...

XOXO,

Lula

p.s. Jennifer P. outed your hot OB as her favorite post, which is mine, too. So I'll go with my runner-up: Marketing Genius. You know me and some tampons...especially cheerleading tampons.